Goobi's Soggy Shit

I know. I know. There are way too many of these ‘how to tweet responsibly’ articles out there. Mine isn’t going to change a thing.

Fact is, I needed to explain all this to a friend of mine who recently joined twitter (and is making an ass out of himself), so why not put it in words. There’s a shit load of Don’t in here, so if all you’re going to do is point out the negativity, I advise you to bend over and stick a carrot through the hole facing the sky. On to twitter…

Retweet Responsibly.

People don’t know how to retweet. You may say, just use the twitter retweets feature, which is fine for some cases. But other times you want to own that piece of news, so you retweet traditionally. Here’s the syntax.

If it’s a piece of news, send out the news first, then add a slasher “/via” followed by @whoever. So, “Michael Jackson has risen again! http://link.me/xhs5y /via @jerkoff” is the right way to go. Always put the content first, and then the credits. Why is it important who you or your followers who you got the information from? But you do want to credit the source, so the via link is apt. RT is just in bad taste.

But what about if there already is a “via @firstperson” in that tweet? I’ve seen so many cases of “RT @someone Here comes the news http://link.me/sexdoll /via @else”. Please don’t treat your followers like shit. In most cases, I’d say give credit only to the person you got the retweet from, not the original source. If you do want to give credit to two sources (never more than two though), add use the slasher and tack em on, like “/via @dumbass @goobimama”.

Sometimes, an ultimate original source will tweet a link. Like for instance, TUAW tweets a link to one of their articles. If that’s the case, you don’t need to add the “via”, because you’ve already credited the source with that link. I would recommend that you change the words though, so it’s more personal.

When it comes to quotes and funnies, instead of using the RT syntax, append the Twitter handle at the end of the tweet using a hyphen. “I vote for world peace — @brandonpittman” is way better than using via or RT. Although, I’d say funnies belong to the original author, so it’s best you just use the new retweet feature.

Avoid Twitlonger

I’ve seen so many people make me hit the unfollow button because they were too lazy to edit their tweet. If the tweet is over 140 characters, don’t tweet it. Just don’t.

The only time Twitlonger is appreciated, is when replying to someone and the answer is too long to be covered in two tweets. It should be at least more than 300 characters to make any sense. For the rest, take heed to Aayush’s advice on cramming your tweets into the 140 character space.

Don’t use hashtags unless you know what the fuck you’re doing

“This #ipad makes you look #cool. #mac #apple” in fact makes you look stupid. Hashtags serve two purposes: to add a tag categorizing a tweet which otherwise doesn’t contain that tag “I’m leaving now! #pakapukutweetup” would being all tweets related to Paka Puku tweetup together. They don’t work for broader untracked subjects—things like Apple or #India. The other use, is sarcasm, satire, and humor. as Patrick does it.

You’re not stupid, are you? No wait, don’t answer that.

Follow Friday

I get the idea behind follow Friday. It’s about recommending your favourite twitterrers so others can enjoy their tweets too. What I don’t get however, is this large scale back scratching that goes on every Friday. I’m even willing to entertain a meaningless tweet with a bunch of people thrown in tagged with #FF, but when I see more than one in a row, I immediately unfollow. There’s absolutely no excuse for that kind of rubbish.

For what exactly are you trying to achieve with a #followfriday? I can bet you not one of your followers will follow someone from an #FF tweet. I don’t, and I don’t even get new followers from such tweets. It doesn’t work. The only way you can truly recommend someone, is by sending out a single tweet explaining why you think that person is great.

Don’t use yFrog

Use Img.ly, or Droplr, or Cloud (if you have an invite), or even trusty old TwitPic. yFrog is the ugliest image host you could find, and I despise even seeing the link in my timeline. Curse @Tweetie for defaulting to yFrog, which inadvertently leads to me sending out a yFrog link once every few. Using a better host not only reduces clutter, it also makes your images look better. I say Img.ly, because not only is it the best looking one out there, they’re also the most innovative of the lot.

Don’t ever fuck with my timeline

Whenever you’re going to do something, know that it’s stupid, because that’s what you’re good at. So take a step back for a moment, and think about me for a change. Will I benefit from seeing those >140 characters? More often than not, it’s going to be a big no. Do I think I’m as stupid as you to believe I’ll win a MacBook Pro by tweeting about it? Do you really think I’m interested in seeing pictures of your cat? Of course, your timeline belongs to you, and you should post whatever the fuck you feel like. Just don’t overdo it, because you know, the big bad wolf has a habit of dropping in unexpectedly.