To the many Indians, we Goans are jobless drunkards living off ancestral property. While I don’t quite fully agree with that stereotype, it does hold true in many cases. At least, more so than for the rest of India. And I’m not helping in the least with regard to that drunkard part.
I love beer. There are many who don’t, and drink it only to get a high (or to be fashionably cool), but I honestly love my beer. Especially a cold one on a hot afternoon. That’s what they are known as, cold ones. There are of course many different kinds of beer, and different brands for each kind. In Goa at least, we usually have the standard 4.8% vol. light Lager, which admittedly is best suited to the climate.
There’s Kingfisher, Tuborg, Budweiser, Fosters, Carlsberg, and Kings Black. Almost every one I know has a strong preference for one or the other, and an intense hatred for at least one of these. I’m pretty sure Budweiser is one universally hated beer; down with that American horse piss! Which brings me to Kings Black.
Brewed out of maize instead of the standard barley, Kings Black is our Goan pride. It’s made in Goa, by Goans, and is sold only in the state of Goa. It’s that special. Now what might a small Goan company have against the mighty Vijay Mallya, or even this new found “pull here for fun” Danish Tuborg? Kings is one of the ‘warmest’ beers I’ve ever had in my life. Where the rest of the lagers have this sharp cold texture, Kings fills in with a warm, round taste, like none other. It takes a little while getting used to, but it’s almost comparable to the difference between a cultivated and free range poultry (none of this makes sense to that idiot vegan from Kolkata I suppose). Every one I know who appreciates beer, has been an ardent fan of Kings.
Indians of course are stupid. They like to go to where the cool is; pretty sure no one buys an Apple product in India to appreciate it for what it really is. Any ‘new’ beer is highly appreciated, especially when some jackass returns from an introductory event at a club with an “It’s smoooooth”. It’s not. “It’s marketing” is what it is. Multinationals have immense capacities to market their products, that there’s no way real goodness can make its way into public appreciation. Turborg was only recently introduced, and it’s already in every bar/club/pub/liquor-shop/grocery-store in Goa1. And even though advertising alcohol is banned in India, these assholes find a way to make a splash on the front pages of the local newspapers—music CDs or some bullshit like that.
The end result is dwindling availability of the better product—Kings. None of the local bars stock Kings anymore, and the other day when I went to Assagao, a sick motherfucker tried to cheat me—a Goan speaking Konkani—into buying it at 35 bucks a pint. 35 bucks a fucking pint! I immediately told him to fuck off, and walked away. Kings is the cheapest beer in Goa, costing around 20 bucks a pint (and you can get it in wholesale at Rs. 15.40 per pint). Now that’s cheapness right there.
Fun facts:
- Kings bottles come in two colours: dark and transparent. They’re both the same, but if there’s a white guy in your group, give him the transparent one. It’s a good way to be negatively racist.
- Kings does have quality control issues, as you might find it tasting ‘burnt’, or there might even be sediments floating around in there. Life is not perfect.
- Kings is the only beer which refuses to go flat. You can come back to an opened bottle even after a couple of hours when it’s warm and has lost its fizz. Days even.
So if you make a trip to Goa, make sure you stop by at a run down little bar, and ask them for Kings. Insist on Kings. If they don’t have Kings, and you’re a rich fuck, buy a bottle of the piss they’re serving, take a swig, spit it out, and insist on Kings. Trust me, it’s the best.
1. Admittedly, Turborg is one of the better beers out there, but why settle for better when you can have the best?
“1. Admittedly, Tuborg is one of the better beers out there”.
I am an all out beer guy. I’ve had my share of beer types and I can say this: Tuborg is as good as Budweiser. I’ll have Haywards Black anyday (Kings, as you say, is not available here in Bangalore).
You tried Belgian variants?
“none of this makes sense to that idiot vegan from Kolkata I suppose”
Is that just a general statement or targeted at someone in particular? It’s hard to tell with you.
Just checking to make sure you read every word I write.
Well, if you indeed meant me, you, sir, are tragically misinformed. I’m a vegetarian, not a vegan, and my hometown is Siliguri (and I live in Noida), not Kolkata. And you know all that, which is why I was confused by that statement.
Anyway, I read posts even as irrelevant to me as this one because I love your little zingers, like the last paragraph of the post above:
Hilarious, as usual!
Why, might I ask, was this not brought up back when the three of us were in Goa?
@Ashwin S
“Tuborg is as good as Budweiser. ”
True. And no, I am not the idiot kid down the road who pretends he knows everything.
@Goobeer
20 bucks a pint is almost holy-cows-cheap! I’d skip on coke if things were like that here. I hate taxes on alcohol.
@Preshit: You were here during the Urrack season. We don’t drink beer during the Urrack season.
@Aayush: As far as I’m concerned you’re a vegan from Calcutta.
Why am I even making this comment? I’m supposed to like what is apparently ladies’ drinks.
@Sree – Ladies’ Drink? You mean Gold Spot? Do they even sell them anymore?
@Goobi – I’d like to try that shit out next time I am in Goa. I love local beers as compared to Australian/German/American ‘Ghode Ki Moot’ they sell here. My own favourite being ‘Cobra’. You gotta try it out sometime – http://www.cobrabeer.com/
@Sreeyesh
You mean Frooti?
@krazy That stuff Goobi made me drink at that meet-up. Vodka & tonic, wasn’t it? Which, according to Goobi, was a ladies’ drink.
BTW, beer? Seriously, I can’t stand that alien Satan’s piss, whatever brand it may be.
Hey Alvares…
Unfortunately i landed in this holy-cow blog….You are nothing but a shit piece of irritating goanese, and thanks for acknowledging it !
You are comparing Kings black with what ? Do you have any clue about brews ? Please stoop writing about something which you dont know…
Write about grass instead.. I am sure looking at your snap…you are nothing but a scum….
Rgrds,
S
Hey Shanky, why don’t you take your ignorant piece of shit mind and bother someone else? God, your mom was right last night when she said you are a fucking bore. I didn’t want to believe that whore, but now the evidence is before me.
Love Reading Your Blog.
Thanks for Shareing Helpfull information..
Thanks
I love comments, but hate spammers. So, link removed, but comment stays! Thanks.